Original Queen of All Media Honored

The endlessly fabulous Ruta Lee (left) embraces grandmother of gossip Rona Barrett (allegedly 73) at the Paley Center for Media in Beverly Hills, which staged a tribute to Barrett, who now mostly attends to her business of growing lavender on her ranch near Santa Barbara for products that benefit charity.

Her 1974 autobiography, "Miss Rona," began with this sentence:

"Just an inch, Miss Rona, just let me put it in an inch!"

Michael Tullberg/Getty Images

Amy and the Lesbian Drama

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, really got into it this past weekend at Gay Pride.

Amy went again this year with Jean and Lynnae, who typically celebrate their sisterhood by having an argument, breaking up, and getting back together again two days later with an emotional display usually seen in such refined dramas as "Melrose Place."

"Lynnae called Jean bipolar. Is that where Santa lives?" asked my inquisitive little meat-eater as she microwaved a Lean Pocket.


"Yes," I lied. "What were they arguing about?"

"Lynnae wanted Jean to come to her birthday party, but Jean said Lynnae didn't respect her schedule, and Lynnae told her what mom used to say to you about 'go fuck yourself', and then Jean got all up in her stuff because Lynnae went shopping."

"Well, that's clear," I said, rolling my eyes far enough to nearly cause a retinal detachment. "Where did you go?"


"First we went to Hugo's, but we had to go home again because Lynnae was mad that Jean didn't take her lithimum, and Jean was mad because Lynnae asked this lady for a cigarette."

"Lith-E-um, darling," I corrected.

"That's what I said," she corrected. "Then Jean got a migrained."

I didn't correct her.

"So we had to go back to get Jean's medicine because Lynnae said she'd be a crazy beeyotch if she didn't take it. And then they were really quiet and Lynnae kept texting somebody, which made Jean even madder and she said we should go to breakfast without her and Lynnae was like, 'okay, whatevs', and Lynnae and I went to Coffee Bean. When we got back to Jean's, she was throwin' Lynnae's stuff off the balcony, and it was rainin' Xena comic books and a margarita machine and all these Jodie Foster DVDs."


She took a too-hot bite of her Lean Pocket and continued.

"And Jean was yellin' about Lynnae goin' to The Palms with her muffin and gettin' a tattoo or somethin' like that, I don't know what the hell they were talkin' about, and then this giant cardboard statue of Hillary Clinton was flyin' off the balcony, and then the cops came... two lady cops... and Jean got arrested for actin' crazy I guess. That's when mom came and got me and we helped Lynnae put her stuff in her truck."

"And what did you and mom do after that?"

"We went home and watched 'Real Housewives of New Jersey' on DVR."

Yes, I know, she's big for six.

Betty and Phil at Ascot, Day 2

Betty Deuce wowed the horsey set in this loud pink ensemble, for which she had one of her WWII issue lead-lined brassieres brought down from the Royal Collection in the Tower of London. Other mad hatters at the races included these gems:




Oh, to be in England.

Getty

Celebrating Gay Pride Month

For all you Lebanese girls out there in Chexyland. Except you, bitch.

coilhouse.net

Gabby's Mama Could Get Big Break

The exquisite Gabourey Sidibe has just informed her Facebook followers that her mother, Alicia Tan Ridley, will be appearing on tonight's episode of "America's Got Talent."

Here's a clip from Bossip that shows mama singing in the subway.




ty J.Lo

And Now This Dance Interlude

Courtesy of ExtraTV.com, here are some contestants from Oxygen's "Dance Your Ass Off."

Wash and Set Miss Jones

In what I believe is only her second public appearance since undergoing cardiac surgery in late March, Starlet Marie Jones, 48, appeared on the red carpet at the Apollo Theater Spring Benefit Concert on Monday... looking as fit as a griddle. Wearing a sporty new two-toned hairdo, Miss Jones ambulated without assistance in a pleated pink mini.

Jemal Countess/Getty Images

Lindsay Lohan Not Going to Can

People just love to see lesbians in prison. I mean, look at all the hoopla there was when Martha Stewart was sent to the pokey for insider trading.



Now poor little drunk girl Lindsay Lohan has caused her SCRAM anklet to yell "I'm quitting this bitch" a reported five times. What's a gurl to do?



If you're LiLo, you call up a bail bondsman and post $200K to get the man off your back, so to speak, says TMZ.



Then you resume tweeting and shopping as though nothing had ever happened.



La la la la la la la la la la la la ... la la!

Paper Tigress

Paper magazine co-founder and society hipster fixture Kim Hastreiter, 58, as seen at last night's CFDA Fashion Awards at Lincoln Center in NYC, where she was an honoree.


According to the NY Times, Kim is scheduled to get her hip fixed.

Just in time.

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

Memorial Day Weekend

Remembering the soldiers of WWII -- and one of their favorite pin-ups, Esther Williams. (click pic to enlarge)

Wild Horses

Mick Jagger ex Jerry Hall (with their daughter, Georgia May Jagger) at the London launch of their new cosmetic line Invisible Zinc... and My Little Pony.


So alike, and yet only one got $25 million for 9 years with Mick.

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When Porn Stars Age

Well, it's happened. Kim Kardashian has apparently used so much Botox and lip plumper that she's unable to move her face at all, as seen at some Armani event last night in Hollywood. Most of Kim will be 30 in October, and girl is clearly taking it hard, and we know from her film work that she does.

Expect her to appear on next season's "Dancing with the Stars." Oh, wait, nevermind.

Amy and the High Court

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, spent Saturday at the home of her friend Shinnae, whose mother, Mahogany, is a plumber.

"Mahogany showed me how to use a pipe wrench," chirped my curiously accomplished angel as she reached for a third piece of toast (from my plate). "You're not eating that, right, Ricky?"

"So Mahogany and her friend Jane were discussing the Supremes Court nominee," she blurted in a display of whole grain crumbs. "Supreme," I corrected. "And?"

"Jane was mad that people on TV were talking about how Kagan wasn't a lebsbian, and why it even mattered if she was a bread baker, but I don't understand what one thing has to do with another. Don't they allow bakers on the Supremes... Supreme Court?"

My inquisitive girl left me momentarily stumped as to which direction to take this conversation.

"Whether or not she is a lesbian is irrelevant. Her sexuality does not make her a better or worse justice." I ignored the whole bread-baking remark, hoping that it could wait for another day.

"Mahogany said it would be interesting to watch them try to get into her panties during the Senate conversation hearings, but I don't understand why they're talking about her panties to begin with... do you think she has Dora panties like mine?"

"I don't know if she has Dora the Explorer underwear, sweetheart, but I'm sure that if she does, they'll probably find out about it."


"They're really the best underpants, I think," offered her budding legal mind, adding, "Maybe I should send her a pair? Can we, Rick?"

And so I bought some Dora panties on Amazon and sent them to Ms. Kagan, c/o the Supreme Court with this note from Amy: "Dear Elena, when they want to see your panties, you will be ready. Love, Amy."

Yes, I know she's big for six.

Chexy's Cartoon Corner

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Courtesy of Politicalcartoons.com
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Party Girls

Jessica Simpson has finally found a way to look thinner!

Yellow!

And doesn't Gabourey Sidibe look gorgeous?!

The girls were among the revelers at this weekend's White House Correspondents' Dinner, where Jay Leno bombed after Obama opened for him.

Mississippi Goddamn

Gutsy teen lesbian Constance McMillen, 18, who with the ACLU sued her Mississippi school for prohibiting her from bringing her girlfriend to prom, has just been named one of the Grand Marshals for this year's NYC Pride parade on June 27.

US District Court Judge Glen Davidson ruled in favor of both McMillen and the Itawamba County School District, saying that the District did violate Connie's First Amendment rights by not allowing her to attend the prom with her girlfriend, and by not allowing her to wear a tuxedo and by canceling the prom, but also ruled that he would not force the school district to hold the prom.

Last month, lesbian icon Ellen DeGeneres had Constance on her show, and arranged with Tonic.com for a $30,000 scholarship for the soft-spoken teen activist.

McMillen's Co-Grand Marshals include "Don't Ask Don't Tell" battler Lt. Dan Choi, and hate crime legislation activist Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew.

Go Connie.

Morphers

Joan Rivers, 76, as she appeared at a Friars Club Roast last night, and former "Lizzie McGuire" star Hilary Duff, 22.

Eventually, one of them will look just like the other.

Andrea Martin, Funny Face

That's SCTV alum Andrea Martin on the left, age 55 in 2002, at the Comedy Film Honors Event, and on the right at age 63, as she appeared April 4th at the NYC opening of "Lend Me a Tenor."

Lend me your doctors!

Getty

Girl Talk

Sally Kellerman and feminist Gloria Steinem at the Women's Reproductive Rights Assistance Project event last night in Beverly Hills, and female icons Rosie the Riveter and Susan B. Anthony.


So alike, and yet just two of them have the advantage of modern cosmetics.

Heather Mills' Leg is Potential Threat

Britain's most unpopular amputee, former Beatle wife Heather Mills, was stopped at Heathrow Airport when her artificial leg required swabbing for explosives. There were none.

Heather has reportedly blown through the nearly $100 million settlement from her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney.

Adding insult to motorcycle injury, she was denied admission to Heathrow's First Class lounge.

She could sue, but she wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Try the veal.