Wash and Set Miss Jones

In what I believe is only her second public appearance since undergoing cardiac surgery in late March, Starlet Marie Jones, 48, appeared on the red carpet at the Apollo Theater Spring Benefit Concert on Monday... looking as fit as a griddle. Wearing a sporty new two-toned hairdo, Miss Jones ambulated without assistance in a pleated pink mini.

Jemal Countess/Getty Images

More Proof That Flesh-Tone Lipstick is a FAIL

The erroneously glamorous Joan Van Ark, 96, as she appeared last night at the Mike Nichols AFI dinner.

Although matching your eyeliner with your roots is genius... if you live in Knots Landing or Dallas.

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Gary Coleman in Coma in Provo Hospital

He survived two kidney transplants and being that close to Nancy Reagan's hair, but it's not looking good for Arnold, who like most of the residents of Utah, is unconscious.

UPDATE: Coleman went to that great sitcom in the sky today. Read his obit here.

When Porn Stars Age

Well, it's happened. Kim Kardashian has apparently used so much Botox and lip plumper that she's unable to move her face at all, as seen at some Armani event last night in Hollywood. Most of Kim will be 30 in October, and girl is clearly taking it hard, and we know from her film work that she does.

Expect her to appear on next season's "Dancing with the Stars." Oh, wait, nevermind.

Lohan is Frank in Court

Party girl Lindsay Lohan, 63, as seen at a court hearing this morning on her DUI mess, and Tim Curry as Frank N. Furter.

So alike, and yet only one is part of an ongoing horror show.

Chexy's Saturday Matinee

How about a little gorgeousness to ease you into your Saturday? Here's the work of Claude Monet.



The Western Connecticut Youth Orchestra with Erik Satie's Gymnopedies #1.



From 1962's "Gypsy," You Gotta Have a Gimmick, music by Jule Styne, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. Natalie Wood as Gypsy, Faith Dane as Mazeppa, Roxanne Arlen as Electra, Betty Bruce as Tessie Tura. Costumes by Orry-Kelly. (for Gail W.)



Billie Holiday toward the end, with "Strange Fruit," which began as a poem written by Abel Meeropol, a Jewish high-school teacher from the Bronx, about the lynching of two black men.

Rielle Hunter: Yup, I'm John Edwards

In a shocking revelation, Rielle Hunter revealed exclusively to Chexydecimal that she is, in fact, John Edwards.

Camilla -- Kids Know Everything

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, gets the stank eye from a kid at Melcombe Primary School during a charity event in Hammersmith.

You can see how thrilled the other children are to see her.

Arthur Edwards/WPA Pool/Getty Images

Khloe Kardashian and Herman Munster

Khloe Kardashian as she appeared at a Three-O Vodka launch at Quo Nightclub in NYC last night, and Fred Gwynne as Herman Munster.

So alike, and yet only one is a real monster.

Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

Woe is Weave

Miss Whitney Houston gets caught up in her weave during a concert in Sydney.

Critics panned her opening night, and fans walked out during her 50-minute gospel segment.

Real Gone Places: Pacific Ocean Park

Here's Nancy Sinatra singing the dreary "Who Will Buy" from "Oliver," her early attempt at a music video, with her My Little Pony hairdo and... wait for it... knee socks and a mini... stranding herself on rides at the defunct Pacific Ocean Park. Be sure to wait for the backup dancers... boogaloo fabulous!



And here's a weird promo for Pacific Ocean Park.



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Amy Goes Goth

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, spent a long weekend with her mother, Carolyn and her boyfriend Fahd, visiting with Carolyn's relatives in Massachusetts. As you can see by the above photo, Amy returned as a Goth. Yes, I know she's big for six. I was especially reminded when I insisted on taking temporary custody of her new tee shirt, a gift from her Aunt Crystal.

This unfortunate episode seems to have been prompted by Carolyn's sister Crystal's new look, as seen below. I haven't seen Crystal for over ten years, not quite long enough to create a comfortable distance. Amy tells me, "Aunt Crystal's apartment looks like those places on 'Clean House' on Style Network. Before."


Now, I'm all for Amy's sense of self-expression, but my encouragement runs into some paternal hesitancy at fingerless gloves, black nail polish and cringeworthy nose jewelry. I was thankful, at least, that her tattoo was temporary, like her mother's civility. Amy modified her look with this cheery tee shirt so we could attend her school's father/imaginary daughter conference.


I drove Amy back to her mother's, where we found Carolyn outside, waiting, barefooted, for what she said was a "Domino's delivery." As you can see by her expression, she was delighted to see me. Nearly as delighted as her second toe was with its ring.


It was a rough flight back for Carolyn. Her boyfriend, Fahd, was bounced off the plane when he didn't fit in his seat. Amy took this pic with her Hello Kitty iPhone.


This apparently ended with some type of scuffle in which a flight attendant, Geraldo, was not just hurt, but offended.


Amy said, "Geraldo reminded me of you, Ricky. Only cuter. And younger."

She's Back on the Market!

Wynonna Judd's divorce became final today. Get in line, boys.

Or perhaps you prefer the more natural version.


Getty/Nashville PD

Cat Lady of Spain

Former cat lady and slow learner of Scotland turned international diva, Miss Susan Boyle, descended upon Spain last night, showering all with her buckets of crazy love.

She's that adorable, overweight, singing friend of a friend, who wears attention-getting hats that really enhance her appeal... to psychotherapists.

Be careful how much you love her, because she's prone to tantrums and fits, or having nervous breakdowns and cussing you out when you ask her simple questions, like, "May I show you to your car?" or "Would you like to come to my birthday party?"

And she's sold 10 million copies of her debut album.

Boob Tube Boob's New Boobs to Debut

Surgically revised Christian reality ho Heidi Montag apparently DOES have a thought in her head. And that thought is money. She's headed back to Playboy to fake-show her newly inflated DDD breasteses to the dwindling readership of the magazine, who've abandoned still pic tits for free online porn... which moves. (click pic to further enlarge her already enlarged gazongas)

InTouch is reporting the story, saying she's set to collect a seven-figure sum. And before she's through, she will probably have had seven figures.

Ba-zoink!

People

Camilla -- Why Me?

Shall I compare thee to a winter's day? With a lot of snow that's going to turn into muddy slush? Yes, I shall.

That's HRH Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, during a service to thank the people of Wooton Bassett for their support of the Armed Forces.


Later, Cammy dried off and revealed the absolute exquisiteness of her chapeau, which was undoubtedly purchased from the "Made of Dog" section at Burlington Coat Factory in Woodland Hills. Her expression bespeaks the true meaning of "My feet hurt."

Christopher Furlong - WPA Pool/Getty Images

Camilla -- Equine Confusion

She's back!

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, had a momentary lapse while visiting The King's Troop Royal Horse Artillery in London today, when she commented on "the positively lovely mirror."

Ian Gavan/Getty Images

Would You Trust This Woman?

Does this skank-eye look familiar?

That's animal activist and Paul McCartney soaker Heather Mills, attempting a terribly misguided pixie 'do at the National Television Awards at the O2 Arena in London.

Don't stare at this picture too long, I can't be responsible for retinal damage.

Dave M. Benett/Getty Images

Palins Glad

I'm not.

Real Housewife

You know it's cold in Los Angeles when Khloe Kardashian has sprouted her winter fur... as seen outside of a cupcake place in Beverly Hills.

The makeup also keeps her warm.


David Aguilera/BuzzFoto/FilmMagic