Amy and the Lesbian Drama

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, really got into it this past weekend at Gay Pride.

Amy went again this year with Jean and Lynnae, who typically celebrate their sisterhood by having an argument, breaking up, and getting back together again two days later with an emotional display usually seen in such refined dramas as "Melrose Place."

"Lynnae called Jean bipolar. Is that where Santa lives?" asked my inquisitive little meat-eater as she microwaved a Lean Pocket.


"Yes," I lied. "What were they arguing about?"

"Lynnae wanted Jean to come to her birthday party, but Jean said Lynnae didn't respect her schedule, and Lynnae told her what mom used to say to you about 'go fuck yourself', and then Jean got all up in her stuff because Lynnae went shopping."

"Well, that's clear," I said, rolling my eyes far enough to nearly cause a retinal detachment. "Where did you go?"


"First we went to Hugo's, but we had to go home again because Lynnae was mad that Jean didn't take her lithimum, and Jean was mad because Lynnae asked this lady for a cigarette."

"Lith-E-um, darling," I corrected.

"That's what I said," she corrected. "Then Jean got a migrained."

I didn't correct her.

"So we had to go back to get Jean's medicine because Lynnae said she'd be a crazy beeyotch if she didn't take it. And then they were really quiet and Lynnae kept texting somebody, which made Jean even madder and she said we should go to breakfast without her and Lynnae was like, 'okay, whatevs', and Lynnae and I went to Coffee Bean. When we got back to Jean's, she was throwin' Lynnae's stuff off the balcony, and it was rainin' Xena comic books and a margarita machine and all these Jodie Foster DVDs."


She took a too-hot bite of her Lean Pocket and continued.

"And Jean was yellin' about Lynnae goin' to The Palms with her muffin and gettin' a tattoo or somethin' like that, I don't know what the hell they were talkin' about, and then this giant cardboard statue of Hillary Clinton was flyin' off the balcony, and then the cops came... two lady cops... and Jean got arrested for actin' crazy I guess. That's when mom came and got me and we helped Lynnae put her stuff in her truck."

"And what did you and mom do after that?"

"We went home and watched 'Real Housewives of New Jersey' on DVR."

Yes, I know, she's big for six.

Celebrating Gay Pride Month

For all you Lebanese girls out there in Chexyland. Except you, bitch.

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Swells

Adorable couple Del Shores ("Sordid Lives") and actor Jason Dottley as they appeared at a pride event at Eleven in WeHo last night, where long pants were worn by nearly all.

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All Eyes on the Center Ring

Looking like the ringmaster at the Negative Al Jolson S&M Memorial Circus of the Stars wrap party, alleged designer Bobby Trendy appeared at some fucksense called "An Evening of Pride with Sharon Osbourne" last night in West Hollywood.

The pink bracelet is overkill.

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That's Where You'll Find Me

Ninety-year-old "Wizard of Oz" Munchkin Jerry Maren, a wax figure of Judy Garland (who would have turned 88 tomorrow if she hadn't died of a barbiturate overdose in a London bathroom in 1969), lemon-drop delicious child star Margaret O'Brien, 73 (who worked with Judy on "Meet Me in St. Louis" in 1944), and Judy's rarely seen son, Joey Luft, 55.

Gay Pride Month Tidbit: It was the funeral of Judy Garland that mobilized gay unity, leading to the Stonewall Riots against persecution in NYC.

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Ricky

Ricky Martin, father of two, as seen last night at the 2010 amfAR New York Inspiration Gala at the New York Public Library, where the "Livin' La Vida Loca" singer was honored for his foundation's philanthropic contributions to the health and welfare of children around the globe.

This was one of Ricky's first appearances since he announced that he's gay.

The evening's festivities were marred by the appearance of designer Thom Browne in this highly unfortunate outfit, which I will call a shmucksedo.


Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images

Dicky Me's

McDonald's has a new ad running in France. I have a tough time believing this is for real, but it apparently is.

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Think Pink!

Big Handsome Men

Former dermatology assistant Jason Pfeiffer, who claims he was Michael Jackson's gay lover (left), and that transgender poster boy, Chaz Bono (right).

So alike, and yet only one knows that vertical stripes are slimming.

Mississippi Goddamn

Gutsy teen lesbian Constance McMillen, 18, who with the ACLU sued her Mississippi school for prohibiting her from bringing her girlfriend to prom, has just been named one of the Grand Marshals for this year's NYC Pride parade on June 27.

US District Court Judge Glen Davidson ruled in favor of both McMillen and the Itawamba County School District, saying that the District did violate Connie's First Amendment rights by not allowing her to attend the prom with her girlfriend, and by not allowing her to wear a tuxedo and by canceling the prom, but also ruled that he would not force the school district to hold the prom.

Last month, lesbian icon Ellen DeGeneres had Constance on her show, and arranged with Tonic.com for a $30,000 scholarship for the soft-spoken teen activist.

McMillen's Co-Grand Marshals include "Don't Ask Don't Tell" battler Lt. Dan Choi, and hate crime legislation activist Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew.

Go Connie.

Real Gone Places: Gay's

I can't be sure, but I think there's a Golden Chick where Gay's used to be.

A.L. and A.L. Down Under

Transsexual superstar Amanda Lepore at a media call before the big Mardi Gras Party at Kit & Kaboodle in Sydney.


American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert is also there.

Both sing.

Gaye Gerard/Getty Images

Ash Wednesday: Ben's Day

Former Hitler Youth, Pope Benedict XVI, slapped on his beanie, power scarf and red shoes for a trek near the Basilica of St. Sabina in Rome.

Lent begins today, although the Pope did not disclose what he'd be giving up... perhaps he'll quit hating on the gays... until Easter.

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Chexy's Cartoon Corner

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Chexy's Saturday Matinee

Laurel and Hardy on gay marriage... from 1931's "Beau Hunks."



With pipes to match her bouffant, here's Dusty Springfield from 1967 with "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me."



"American Idol" starts next week... here's Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer and Spanky and Darla and the gang... with an early version of "Idol."



From the ridiculous (the new hot word) to the sublime, from the "treasure caves of Russian TV," here's Arthur Rubinstein playing Chopin's Barcarolle in F Sharp Major, Op. 60.



for Andy