Royal Ascot, Day 3 -- Ladies Day

Princess Anne, the Princess Royal, wore this endlessly hideous dress (I use the term loosely) to Royal Ascot Ladies Day today, looking like the mother of a Mississippi Bat Mitzvah girl, or one of Lady Gaga's handmaidens, or a mascot for Yoo Hoo... (stop me).


Other attendees included Joan Collins in some leftover "Dynasty" shoulderpads...


and Betty Deuce... in her salute to Gay Pride Month! (They don't call her Queen for nothing.)


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My Kingdom for a Horse

Princes William and Harry arrive on horseback to visit a child education center in Lesotho.

A hot photo ruined by douchey woolen caps, a trend that should have died about the time Kurt Cobain did. But the flooring is great.


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Betty and Phil at Ascot, Day 2

Betty Deuce wowed the horsey set in this loud pink ensemble, for which she had one of her WWII issue lead-lined brassieres brought down from the Royal Collection in the Tower of London. Other mad hatters at the races included these gems:




Oh, to be in England.

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Betty Deuce at Ascot

Betty and Phil rode in style at the first day of the Royal Ascot races, where her majesty wore a subdued turquoise bonnet. I wish she would have worn this lady's hat! Fabulous!


And here's English footballer Michael Owen, high-hatting it.


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Hiss of Windsor

Prince Harry and Prince William kibbitz with an African rock python during a visit to Botswana today. I suppose that's what one does when they go to Botswana.

The Princes will also visit Lesotho and South Africa in support of their favorite charities... and then they'll stop in Cape Town to see England vs. Algeria in the World Cup.

The rock python rarely attacks humans, but the species can easily kill an adult by constriction.


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Turban Tuesday: Royals in Nutty Hats, Part 863

The goyals, er, I mean royals, were at it again on Monday with their wacky millinery, as seen most plainly above with plain Princess Anne, the poor dear, whose only benefit of this chapeau is that it hides her unfortunate tresses.

The pomp and pageantry was part of the Order of the Garter.*


Even future Good King Willie looked like some Mardi Gras frat boy. However...


nothing can detract from the regal majesty of Betty Deuce!

*"The Most Noble Order of the Garter is an order of chivalry, or knighthood, originating in medieval England. The Order is dedicated to the image and arms of St. George as England's Patron Saint, and is presently bestowed on recipients from British and other realms; it is the pinnacle of the honours system in the United Kingdom. Membership in the order is limited to the sovereign, the Prince of Wales, and no more than twenty-four members, or Companions; the order also comprises Supernumerary knights and ladies (e.g., members of the British Royal Family and foreign monarchs). Bestowing the honour has been described as one of the Monarch's few remaining truly personal, executive prerogatives." --Wikipedia

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Who's That Girl?

When you see that well-shod foot step out of a Jag, along with that purse and a pair of black gloves in June, it can only be one girl...


Betty Deuce! -- who busted out wearing blue and her favorite brooch this Sunday for some Queen's Cup Polo.



That diamond, ruby and sapphire brooch is known as the Cartier Flower Basket, given to Betty by her mother after she popped out Prince Charles.

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Royals in Nutty Hats, Part 32

The royals had a big ol' time this weekend at the annual Trooping the Colour ceremony, which I think is just another excuse for all the royals to wear nutty headwear. Cases in point: Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice.


Leading the way in high-hattery was Prince Philip in his Beefeater bonnet, escorting Her Majesty, Betty Deuce, who opted for one of her ribbon-modified Guggenheim Museum ringers.


Camilla chose this anesthetizing bowler, so hideous that even bonnie Prince Willie had to hold up a hand to avoid even an accidental glimpse.


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Betty Deuce: Buttoned Up

This is what you see if you've been a naughty princess, and you know you have been.

Betty Deuce focuses on Cabinet Secretary Gus O'Donnell during a visit to the Cabinet Office, where Her Majesty met with some civil servants, which may explain her cranky look.

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Camilla -- Back on Her Feet

Like a vision of loveliness in a world full of horror (and vice versa), the long absent Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, has recovered from her leg fracture and is walking erect once again, just as every blue-blooded man does when she appears. And yes, that's my car parked in the background.

HRH presented the Orange Prize for Fiction at Royal Festival Hall yesterday, looking like a handmaiden from heaven with a short, summery version of her usual blockade hairdo.


Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve?

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Betty Deuce in "Hello, Rwanda"

And people say my place is a little busy!

That's Betty Deuce, receiving credentials from the Rwandan High Commissioner (and he'd have to be high to be wearing that!) Ernest Rwamucyo, in her parlor at Buckingham Palace today.

I do hope she accepts them, because they look so fabulous together; like Laura Ashley meets Robert Rauschenberg at Hearst Castle. They look as though they're about to break into song and dance! He's even got a cane!

(click pic for a better look)

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Betty Deuce: Bug Off

Her Majesty, Betty Deuce, receives the attention of a fly during a day of racing Saturday at Epsom.


An old queen knows what to do with a young fly.

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Betty Deuce: Am I Blue?

Her Majesty, Betty Deuce, met seaside with naval families in Plymouth yesterday. And yes, her hat can be used as a flotation device.

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Betty Deuce Made a Mess

I don't know what's going on with Betty's dress. It looks like she got splashed by some spanakopita at the royal buffet for King Constantine of Greece's 70th birthday party in London. Grease from Greece!

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A Pair of Queens and a King

The vision in buttery yellow is Queen Sonja of Norway, welcomed Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands (the one wearing part of a Volkswagen on her head). That's Sonja's hubby, King Harald V, as seen at the National Monument in Oslo on Tuesday.

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Betty Deuce -- A Feather in Her Cap

Good Queen Betty Deuce doesn't look completely convinced that her hat is working, and indeed, it looks like something to be worn to Shrek's wedding, but Betty wore it to greet her peeps at the 150th Anniversary of the Eton Combined Cadet Force, whatever that is.

The brooch, BTW, is the Kent Amethyst Brooch #2, a giant hexagonal-cut amethyst surrounded by diamond sunrays.

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Betty Deuce -- The Royal Bling

Betty Deuce whipped out her King George IV State Diadem crown... a mere 1,333 diamonds weighing 327.75 carats, festooned with 169 pearls along the base. Between the four crosses are the rose, thistle and shamrock; symbols of England, Scotland and Ireland. She wears it for the procession to Opening of Parliament.

She switched it up for the Imperial State Crown to give her speech.


Hey, why not have Betty tell you about it herself? Yes, it's the early 1970s all over again...

Betty Deuce: Colossus on my Haid

Oh dear. Poor Betty Deuce left the palace with a turbine on her head. It can't be easy for an 84-year-old woman to carry that thing on her noggin. HRH looks like the wealthy sister of Mrs. Claus.

But carry it she does, all the way to Westminster Abbey to mark the 450th anniversary of the granting of the Abbey's Royal Charter by Betty the First.


Sir Isaac Newton, buried in the nave of the church, rose from his grave to study the mechanics of Betty's bonnet.

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Betty Deuce -- Lookin' Rosy!

Her Majesty, Betty Deuce, visited the Cloughton blacksmith shop in North Yorkshire, where the queen has her horses shod, and her daughter-in-law Camilla gets her hair done.

It was announced yesterday that Betty will be attending Wimbledon in late June, for the first time in 33 years. Tennis is dull.

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Busy Bea

HRH Princess Beatrice of York casts her loving and soothing gaze on cancer patients at the opening of a new hospital in Newcastle upon Tyne.

Bea, 21, is studying for a degree in History.

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