Poker Faces

Lady Gaga at Sunday's Grammy fest, and Color Magic Barbie.

So alike, and yet only one is anatomically incorrect.

Grammy Attire

"Precious" star Gabourey Sidibe at a Grammy party, and a stack of tires.

So alike, and yet only one is measured in pounds per square inch.

Britney Spears at the Grammys

It looks like the conservatorship has limits.

But it's better than than this, y'all...

Chexy's Sunday Funnies

"Food Fight" from Stefan Nadelman. "An abridged history of American-centric warfare, from WWII to present day, told through the foods of the countries in conflict."

touristpictures.com

Chexy's Saturday Matinee

Orville Wright died on this day in 1948. Here's a great piece about the Wright Brothers and their flying machine.



Karen Carpenter died at 32 on Feb. 4th 1983. Here she is from 1971 with "Close to You."



Gene Hackman is 80 today. Here he is with Peter Boyle in the classic "Blind Man" scene from "Young Frankenstein."



Now let's kick it out with Frank Sinatra live at Madison Square Garden on his 1974 concert tour, with Cole Porter's "I've Got You Under My Skin." Crank it!

Won't Melt in His Hands

Stigmata can be so inconvenient.

This artwork by the brilliant Rev. Josh is the first part of his Tasteless Jokes series.

Visit Josh's blog at LifeWithoutTaffy.

Thanks, Josh!

Get Well, Etta James

It's been reported that jazz and blues great Etta James, 72, is quite ill and hospitalized in Riverside, Calif. with an infection, and if you've never been to Riverside, it's enough to make anyone quite ill.

Send your good vibes to Miss Etta.

Happy Birthday, W.C.

It's the 130th anniversary of the birth of one of the great American comics, W.C. Fields. Here's a clip from "The Bank Dick." Watch for the cameo by Shemp!



for Harris

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Referee Enock Molefe runs as Anthony Annan (left) of Ghana and John Obi Mikel of Nigeria race for the ball at the Africa Cup of Nations semi final match in Angola.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Nice Flag & What's in an African Cup? edition.

Lefty Shivambu/Gallo Images/Getty Images

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Tennis player Andy Murray of Great Britain cheers after his winning point against Marin Cilic of Croatia at the Australian Open on Thursday.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, I'm Ready for My Closeup edition.

Mark Dadswell/Getty Images

Camilla -- Equine Confusion

She's back!

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, had a momentary lapse while visiting The King's Troop Royal Horse Artillery in London today, when she commented on "the positively lovely mirror."

Ian Gavan/Getty Images

Madame Chair

"Precious" star Gabourey Sidibe as seen at the film's Australian premiere today in Sydney, and a girl sitting in an inflatable red chair.

So alike, and yet only one is liable to burst.

Brendon Thorne/Getty Images

"We're All Mad Here!"

Perennial redheaded red carpet wannabe Phoebe Price, and Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in the upcoming "Alice in Wonderland."

So alike, and yet only one chose this look for a role.

Gibson Girls

Mel Gibson babymama Oksana Grigorieva as she appeared last night at the premiere of "The Edge of Darkness," and baby-crazy mother of 14, Octomom.

So alike, and yet only one got pregnant with a real dick.

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

In the Moo

Basketball widow Khloe Kardashian as seen yesterday at a White House event for the NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers, and Borden mascot Elsie the Cow.

So alike, and yet only one is a real cow.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Lambert + Pee-wee =

Mix Adam Lambert and Pee-wee Herman and you get burlesque queen Dita Von Teese, as she appeared at the NRJ Music awards in Cannes on Saturday.

from Chexydecimal London Bureau Chief Andy

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Jobe Watson of the Bombers as seen during a training session in Melbourne

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Some People Like the Balls in Their Face edition.

Mark Dadswell/Getty Images

A Prayer for Haiti

A man prays at the entrance to the destroyed Notre Dame Cathedral on Saturday before the funeral for Monsignor Joseph Serge Miot, Archbishop of Port-au-Prince, Haiti, who was killed in the quake.

Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images

Chexy's Sunday Funnies

Here's some lovely 1950s cartoon propaganda... "The Atom"!

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!

Everybody mambo! From the 1950 film "Pobre Corazón." Arrangement by Pérez Prado.

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From the film "Pobre Corazón" Arrangement by Pérez Prado

And now, "Green Eyes," with Jimmy Dorsey and his orchestra, Bob Eberly and Helen O'Connell. (Translation for my Japanese fan.)



Ray Charles with "Bein' Green," from 1989.



And now, in one of the most outstanding plaid suits ever, here's Al Green in 1972 with "Let's Stay Together."

Chexy's Fashion Report -- Walter Van Beirendonck

Is that a rocket under your coat, or are you just happy to see me?

Designer Walter Van Beirendonck wrapped his models and their badonkadonks in dreadful tights (Oh please, Lord, let this not start a trend of men in tights), as seen today at Paris Fashion Week.

Victor Boyko/Getty Images

Chexy's Fashion Report: Kitty Cat Couture

Here's a kooky kitty getup that's sure to leave you scratching your head, as seen at the Hausach Fashion Show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Berlin on Friday.



A parade of pussy-inspired dresses skittered down the runway, leaving onlookers dogged by nightmares. Arf!



Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

Rainy Days in L.A.

It's been raining in L.A. for five days. Even Gene Kelly has gone crazy.

Chexy's Fashion Report -- Alexis Mabille

This douchetabulous look -- pairing the men's suit with leggings and socks, made a terrifyingly comical appearance at the Alexis Mabille show at Paris Fashion Week Menswear today.

A suit with short pants is for boys under age three. That is final. Anyone seen wearing one who is older than three is subject to extreme scoffing. Okay, you've been warned. Carry on.

Nathalie Lagneau/Catwalking/Getty Images

Republican Win in Massachusetts

for Gina

Chexy's Cartoon Corner

See Cartoons by David Fitzsimmons
Courtesy of Politicalcartoons.com
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Would You Trust This Woman?

Does this skank-eye look familiar?

That's animal activist and Paul McCartney soaker Heather Mills, attempting a terribly misguided pixie 'do at the National Television Awards at the O2 Arena in London.

Don't stare at this picture too long, I can't be responsible for retinal damage.

Dave M. Benett/Getty Images

Waiting to Use the Throne

Willy waits to make a speech at Government House on his last day of a visit to Australia.

The prince, 27, is second in line to the throne. His gramma, Betty Deuce, is 83, his dad, Prince Chuck, is 61.

It's going to be a wait. Long live the queen.

Scott Barbour/Getty Images

Heidi Ho

Heidi Montag, immediately post-op as seen in People magazine, and yearly visitor Santa Claus.

So alike, and yet one has a bag full of fun new toys, and one has full new funbags as toys.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Cardiff player Joe Ledley (center) performs a short pants ballet during the FA cup played against Bristol City in Wales.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Pardon My Plie edition.

Stu Forster/Getty Image

Willy's Hongi

Prince William shares the Maori hongi greeting with a local in New Zealand.

I think he likes it.

James Cameron: Big Dollars

"Avatar" director James Cameron with his Golden Globe, and suffragette Susan B. Anthony.

So alike, both had visions of a Utopian society.

Spot the Difference

Harrison Ford, an umbrella stem (center) and Calista Flockhart (right).

Gabourey Sidibe

Rain or dinner?

George Clooney

... and his beard.

Mo'Nique Wins...

...naturally.

How Wet Was It at the Golden Globes?

It was so wet, that Mariah Carey's flotation devices were deployed.

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

Amy and the Haitians

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, has decided to help the Haitians.

"What can I do for them, Ricky?" she asked while picking at a plate of greens, the likes of which she hadn't seen all week because Carolyn has substituted the McDonald's drive-thru for actual food preparation, and has convinced Amy (to a point of New England stubbornness) that pickle slices are a healthy green vegetable.


"I think the best thing we can do is give money," I said.


"But I'm a kid, I don't have money," she said rolling her eyes, wiggling her head forward and down while curling her smile into the "duh" expression so favored by Carolyn and her sisters, and while pushing arugula leaves to the perimeter of her favorite Mary Engelbreit plate. "I know, we can send all the vegetables you bought yesterday!"

"Nice try. How about taking up a collection at school?" I suggested, despite half knowing that Amy's weight-based unpopularity would be a likely impediment. (She's big for six.)

"I know! I'll ask rich people for money!" she exclaimed with the giddiness that typically accompanies brainstorms of the guileless. "I'll send some emails!" This also provided a task, the urgency of which necessitated immediate abandonment of salad.


And with that, she plopped herself on the couch with her Hello Kitty laptop and began her search for the excess lettuce of the cash-encumbered, while helping herself to a couple of Chiclets.


"I know! I'll write to Robert Pattinson!" she bleated with a confidence unfettered by realism, while chewing her gum. "Wow, check out this pic, Rick!"


"You can write to him in care of the Screen Actors Guild, and they'll forward it to him," I said with a mechanical indifference to seeing a vampire in his underpants.

Amy swiftly opened Word (I taught her to touch-type by writing the appropriate letters on her fingers) and typed: "Dear Bobby," she began, having earned familiarity by virtue of having her room wallpapered with "Twilight" clippings. "I am taking up a collection to help the people in Haiti. Can you send some money? P.S. I love you so much." And with that, she galumphed to my desk to print it.

We do what we can.

Chexy's Sunday Funnies

Seventy-five years before "Avatar," there was Betty Boop.

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!

Ethel Merman, born on this day in 1908. Seen here singing one of her many signature songs, "There's No Business Like Show Business" -- as a ballad with The Muppets c.1976.



And here's another, from her second screen appearance in 1931's "Be Like Me," singing "After I've Gone." Wait for the big finish.



Yup, you guessed it; more Merman. Here she is on the "Mike Douglas Show" with Tony Randall in 1970, with Cole Porter's "Ridin' High" and more.



And now, the only fitting close to this matinee... here's Ethel in one of her final performances at age 75, singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses" from "Gypsy."

Camilla -- Please Fasten Your Seat Belts

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, and Prince Chucky say cheese as Prince William receives his graduation flying badges at the RAF in Shropshire on Friday.

Camilla wore her Iceland Airways travel ensemble, complemented by a blanket they give out on flights. She's recently had a haircut -- from which clippings were sewn onto Chuck's jacket.

The temperature in England has dropped nearly as low as Cam's bosom.


Marc Giddings/WPA Pool/Getty Images

Greta Says

"I wish I were supernaturally strong so I could put right everything that is wrong."

Greta Garbo 1905-1990

Sci-Fi Meets Poli Sci

"Star Trek" star Sir Patrick Stewart as he appeared on the PBS presentation to the TV Critics Association in Pasadena, Calif. on Wednesday, and Bill Clinton's campaign strategist James Carville, now teaching Political Science at Tulane University.

So alike, that both have appeared on "Family Guy."

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Chexy's Sports Roundup

The Breakers celebrate a high and tight point in a game in Sydney with some high-fives.

I do not high-five.

Craig Golding/Getty Images

Life Would Be a Ding-a-Derry

HRH Princess Anne, The Princess Royal, 59, as she toured the London Int'l Boat Show on Wednesday, and Ray Bolger as The Scarecrow in "The Wizard of Oz."

So alike, and yet one is the daughter of a queen, and one is a friend of Dorothy.

Photo by Indigo/Getty Images

Heidious

Reality TV horror Heidi Montag revealed today (on the cover of People, right) that she's been talking to her mirror again, and the mirror told her that she just doesn't look enough like a blonde born-again moron from Orange County ought to look. This required a visit to Dr. Frankenstein for a retooling of the face and boobs of the boob.

She actually started out as an attractively unintelligent girl, then surgimorphed into a Christian centerfold... and now has that delicate jawline preferred by transsexuals, along with the inflated lips and mammaries that will serve her well if she does another one of those "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" type shows that sets her adrift in the middle of the ocean without a boat.

(I can dream, can't I?)