Goodbye, Alexander McQueen

Alexander McQueen, sensational British designer, was found dead of an apparent suicide in London this morning. He was 40.

Sad.


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Cat Lady of Spain

Former cat lady and slow learner of Scotland turned international diva, Miss Susan Boyle, descended upon Spain last night, showering all with her buckets of crazy love.

She's that adorable, overweight, singing friend of a friend, who wears attention-getting hats that really enhance her appeal... to psychotherapists.

Be careful how much you love her, because she's prone to tantrums and fits, or having nervous breakdowns and cussing you out when you ask her simple questions, like, "May I show you to your car?" or "Would you like to come to my birthday party?"

And she's sold 10 million copies of her debut album.

Boob Tube Boob's New Boobs to Debut

Surgically revised Christian reality ho Heidi Montag apparently DOES have a thought in her head. And that thought is money. She's headed back to Playboy to fake-show her newly inflated DDD breasteses to the dwindling readership of the magazine, who've abandoned still pic tits for free online porn... which moves. (click pic to further enlarge her already enlarged gazongas)

InTouch is reporting the story, saying she's set to collect a seven-figure sum. And before she's through, she will probably have had seven figures.

Ba-zoink!

People

Amy and the First Lady

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, had a very rough day at school, with kids teasing her about being part of Michelle Obama's campaign against obesity in children.

"Am I obese, Ricky?" she lamented, while reaching for a celery stick. "Am I like Maury Pobitch fat?" She refuses to get his name right.


Amy has had a slight weight problem since she was 2, exacerbated by her recently blonded mother Carolyn's insistence on viewing the food pyramid as a tourist attraction. As you can see by Carolyn's expression, the Nile is, indeed, a river in Egypt.


"No, you're not obese, honey," I lied. "I like to think of you as delicious," which she is. "But you could follow the rules and eat sensibly," I paternally added.

"I'm thinking of going on a diet," she said, "because Mrs. Obama thinks I'm fat. At least I'm not stupid like those kids who say I'm obesity." She had an excellent point there, and I didn't have the heart to correct her usage.

"I mean, look at this cute outfit I have on!" I couldn't deny that her socks, faux tats and Converse were precious. Yes, I know, she's big for six.


She trundled off to her room to write Michelle Obama a letter. Here it is:

Dear Michelle First Lady,

My name is Amy. I'm 6. I'm sorry I'm so fat, but I'm big for six. I will try to lose weight. I think you are very beautiful. My imaginary friend Delilah is going to help me. Oh, and Ricky too.

Love,

Amy Elaine

P.S. Can Sasha and Malia come over sometime? My dad will make something not fattening.


Just after I finished reading it, Carolyn blew the horn (she can't come in per the court order). Amy grabbed her things and went outside to Carolyn's VW Jetta, where, as I watched from the window, she was handed a bag of food from Carl's drive-thru, which Amy refused!

Thank you, Mrs. Obama!


'Maury' Illustration by Rev. Josh of Life Without Taffy, from Chexy's collection.

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Chexy's Sports Roundup

Danilo Asconeguy (bottom) of Uruguay gets jumped by Ecuador's Deportivo Quito Marcos Pirchio during some match in Montevideo.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, I've Had Days Like This edition.

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No, Yeah. Yeah, No. Make Up Your Mind.

"Yeah, no." I can no longer tolerate it.

There's a new idiomatic bit of horror taking up residence in the speech of weak thinkers. They do it when they're about to agree with you, I think. They say, "Yeah, no... blah blah blah..." or worse, "No, yeah... blah blah blah." Which is it? Yes or no?! WTF are you trying to say?!

This is the vernacular of tepid ass-kissers and others with nothing on their minds. Please, stop!

It's either yes or no. Not both.